Superman: The guy is practically invincible. He has abs of steel, eyes that shoot lasers, and he can run faster than a speeding train. And to match, his human persona Clark Kent is rather stylish and wears hipster black-rimmed glasses. Don't forget about flying. Romantic flight above the imaginary city anyone? What's not cool about that? But remember ladies. Not only are his abs hard as steel, so is his head. He can't seem to take a hint from Lois Lane, and in the most recent movie Superman Returns, he totally creeped on Lois when he used his x-ray vision to watch her in her house. Totally lame, not to mention this guy can get taken out by a small pebble of kryptonite. Weak.
Batman: This Bruce Wayne guy seems to have it all. He has billions of dollars, any girl he wants, knows how to fight, and is super intelligent. He uses his ingenuity to create crime-fighting machines. The batmobile is super fast and has lots of James-bond style weapons and gadgets. Very slick. And even if this guy doesn't have abs of steel, he does have abs of crunches (aka. abs of hard flesh created from thousands of crunches). He's totally ripped. And those bat wings are just plain sweet. He doesn't cheat when he flies. But on the down side, the guy can totally die. Weak. And his girlfriends keep getting knocked off in major motion pictures, whether it's their careers or their actual characters. Boom! Oh, and Batman totally wears eye-liner, never a good sign even though he tries to make up for it by dropping his voice to that of a bullfrog's.
Hulk: The guy is super buff and a cool shade of green. He's also a highly educated scientist. But I hear he has anger problems and often runs around in the nude. Enough said.
Spiderman: Young smart college student turned superhero! Not only is he super buff (noticing a theme yet?), but he can shoot webs from his wrists and can swing through the city on them. And if that's not enough, he has an up and coming career as newspaper photographer... okay, maybe not much of a prospect in that area. But I hear Mary Jane likes him anyways. And yet, after watching the most recent Spiderman series, I'm not sure this guy has his head on right. He dances around to Jazz and wonders why Mary Jane gets mad at him. Totally ridiculous. And besides, spiders are totally creepy.
Ironman: "I am Iron Man!!! Dunn-nu-nu-nu nah-nah-nah." Tony Stark has the coolest theme song in the world. Like Batman, he's totally smart, is head of a huge business, and his superhero suits totally rock. The guy can fly around, shoot missiles, and do it all while talking to his cute assistant Pepper Potts. He has oogles of style too. But unfortunately, he's a little crazy. And all signs point to him not getting right in the head anytime soon. We need stability in our superhero relationships.
Green Lantern: This guy can do whatever he imagines, which is really cool. Imagine a fist, here comes the fist. Imagine flying, here comes the flying. But then again, this guy gets his super powers from a ring, which I don't think is super at all. Try telling how powerful you are to all your bros at the local hangout. "Hey guys, checkout this ring! It makes me powerful!"
The Mighty Thor: I don't know much about this guy yet, but I know that he runs around without a tool belt carrying a giant hammer, which doesn't seem like a good idea, but I don't want to call him out too early. I'm sure he's good at "nailing" the bad guys... with his hammer... haha, no? He's also a bit of a rebel and has some issues back on his home planet where his father doesn't trust him. Never a good sign. But really, the problem is in his name. It should be self-evident that he's mighty. Why does he need to have "mighty" in his name? Totally screams of self-esteem issues.
Wolverine: I love this man's facial hair. He sports those chops like no other. He's a wild man, and that brings a lot of respect to the table. He heals fast and his skeletal system has been transformed into a type of invincible metal. I'd say he makes a pretty good superhero, but then we remember his love of wife-beater tank tops. This is never a good sign. Also, I hear he's not much of a hugger.
Jesus Christ: This man worked for his dad as a carpenter and probably lived at home until he was thirty-years old. Then he finally ventured out into the real world to teach and preach for three short years before the Romans crucified him on a hill outside of Jerusalem. He died bloody and broken and and of no consequences... until... three days later he rose from the grave, conquered sin and death, and created the gift of eternal life to anyone who chooses to believe and follow him. I don't know about you, but this man is much more than a superhero. He's God incarnate who loves us with everything he has, and I humbly worship him with my entire life. And on a side note, I bet he had rock-hard carpenter abs. So cool!
But second place is still up for debate!
Batman is my favorite super hero. I think Jesus can appreciate Batman/Bruce Wayne's quest for justice. Batman is without a doubt the smartest, most intelligent of them all. Plus the gadgets and the ridiculous suits make him unstoppable. By the way, Mr. uneducated, the real Batman doesn't wear eyeliner, that is only in the movies.
ReplyDeleteBatman wins 2nd place, hands down, every time. Period.
Haha. Thank you Kris. I believe this is a valid argument. But the guy does have a weird thing for bats, which are kind of creepy and gross. They're also only night creatures, which is kind-of cool. So really, where does bruce Wayne get his tan line from? The guy should be deathly pale.
ReplyDeletei made up my own and sent him to marvel, he's kinda like the bat though. his real name is Calvin starling a.k.a. the dark eagle, he lives in Chicago, his dad got murdered by mobsters for not paying them back, his family was very poor afterwards. he went to the least expensive college in the state, where he studied dentistry. he became the best in the world and got very rich, one day, he saw a mobster beating up a citizen with a bat, but he hadn't worked out in months. he went straight home and worked out vigorously. he also had one of his most trustworthy clients (a weapons engineer) Nick Polk make him an amazing suit and a mask that looked relevant to that of a golden eagle, the only animal he had ever truly admired. (not part of the story) i told them they could add on whatever they want. tell me what you guys think
ReplyDeleteDude. I like it. But when he sees the mobster beating up a citizen he has to step in, even if he gets beat up for doing it. That would instill a lot of empathy for him. I'm curious how the dentistry will play into the story line. Yes. He get's lots of money because of it, but what other benefits does it have?
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